Problems with memory, commitment and priorities.. I have been having these issues since I was small, there's no other way around it.
Seeking professional help means humiliation to me.
But for the sake of it, I have to push through, why am I afraid of getting better? Why, I should have done it sooner.
Aside from that, I have these moments of total stagnation where the world rushes by as I stay still, not steady but frozen in the spot
as the tides of time drag me to and fro, I don't get better without getting worse after, so I take a step up the stairs and slip
tumble down and flail my arms, palm are moist with nervousness so as I hold the railing the descend just feels crueler.
this blonde girl has it so easy, and that brunette who doesn't try and it shows, mommy's credit card.
what about my waterbottle, just because the packaging isn't labeled right I feel inferior.
Lord, I know that worldly values are worthless, but be gracious with the trials you give me.
I don't suffer from total poverty, homelessness, famine or war; And still ... I can't consider my existence
favorable. Who would want to be me? Trade places and see how i live.
I'd rather not, I'd rather hide my shame beneath a crooked smile, knowing my teeth are succumbing to cavieties
born from decades of child and eventual self-neglect.
yet I praise the Lord, thank you and I love you, my heart swells and aches for you Father in heaven.
Take me away from these people I feel a jester around.
But give me a chance to live, to see what Love on Earth is about, to feel the embrace from a Man of God who
puts thee above his ego, who put me above the rest, who follows the hierarchy as he should so I can
rest assured and dedicate my life to You and him and this temple you have given me.
So when the time comes, you grant me entry into the kingdom I shall inherit as the Daughter of God.
She ripped the cross from my neck, but please Father forgive her, she is far off the path,
religious zealot of the wrong image of God. She could be a good Christian if only she embraced the Truth as I did.